My husband and I love to walk hand in hand after dropping our child off at his elementary school. We walk for at least 60 minutes. Since this is our only uninterrupted time together, we chat about everything from the stock market to the latest news and our personal lives. We walk to stay physically fit and talk to stay mentally and emotionally fit. Starting our day like this brings us joy, and it has become our routine.
But today wasn't my day. It was the first day of my period, and I was already in pain with mood swings off the charts. I was getting annoyed with everything. To make things worse, our child was also in a bad mood when he woke up. There were tantrums about not wanting to brush his teeth, skipping breakfast, and not wanting to go to school. As you can see, my day started off imbalanced.
I tried to control the situation, but nothing helped. I gave myself motivational speeches like "It's alright, everything will be fine. It's not in my hands," but it didn't do much. My child started crying, and his screams reached the home office where my husband was working from. My husband got annoyed as he was in a meeting with his team. It became a chain reaction of emotions. Somehow, I managed to get our child ready for school, but all the morning drama had piled up emotionally for me.
After dropping off our child at school, we started our morning routine. Inside, I was upset and needed someone to understand how I was feeling. I was on my period, where mood swings aren't in my control. When we started walking, my husband brought back the drama from the morning and tried to explain how I should have handled the situation with our 6-year-old son. We began debating and disagreeing with each other, but we both lost track and our debate became annoying and rude. That's when we started fighting with each other.
My husband gave up on me and said, "I am done walking," and he left, assuming I would join him. But my ego was too big, so I kept walking and ignored him. I finished my daily walk, thinking my husband had already driven home. I took another route to walk home. When I arrived home, to my surprise, my husband wasn't there. He came home after 15 minutes, and he was surprised to see me at home. He asked, "Where were you?"
I was shocked but still replied sarcastically, "What do you mean? You left while we were walking."
He responded, "Yes, I realized that when I reached our parking spot. I was angry at that moment, but then I came looking for you, and I couldn't find you. I was worried about you."
We both felt sorry for our actions.
Fights between spouses or partners are a common occurrence in relationships. Disagreements and conflicts can arise due to various reasons, such as differences in opinions, values, expectations, or even external factors like stress, financial problems, or family issues. Sometimes kids give you unwanted emotional anxitey that you end up taking it out on your better half. It's important to note that healthy relationships do not mean the absence of conflicts, but rather how couples navigate and resolve them. If you see a happy couple walking in a park, hands entangled, giggling, and whispering, do not envy them. You never know what journey they have been through. We often feel that the grass is greener on the other side.
Conflicts are a normal part of any relationship, but how couples handle them can determine the overall health of the relationship. It's important to note that no relationship is perfect, and occasional disagreements are normal. However, if fights become frequent, intense, or harmful, it may be indicative of deeper issues that need attention. In such cases, seeking professional help from a relationship counselor or therapist can provide guidance and support in resolving conflicts and strengthening the relationship.
Now there are 2 ways of fighting between husband and wife, Occasional fighting and Constant fighting
Occasional fights happen on an irregular basis, meaning they are not a regular occurrence in the relationship. They occur less frequently compared to daily or weekly conflicts. Occasional fights may be triggered by specific events, circumstances, or topics that lead to disagreement or tension between partners. Occasional fights can provide an opportunity for personal and relationship growth. Partners can learn more about each other's perspectives, preferences, and needs. They can gain insights into their own communication styles, triggers, and areas for personal development, contributing to individual and relationship growth. Despite occasional fights, the overall health of the relationship remains strong. Outside of these conflicts, partners generally enjoy a positive and supportive dynamic, characterized by trust, respect, and love.
Now lets check out the constant fighting/arguements/disaggrements area:(If we want to save our marriage we need to avoid getting qualified in this zone)
Couples who engage in constant fighting are often referred to as "volatile couples" or "high-conflict couples." These terms describe relationships characterized by frequent and intense arguments or disagreements. It's important to note that constant fighting is not a healthy or desirable state for a relationship, and seeking assistance from a professional, such as a couples therapist, can be beneficial in managing and resolving these conflicts.
Let's find out why couples get engaged in constant war
There can be various reasons why some couples engage in constant fighting. Here are a few common factors that can contribute to ongoing conflicts:
Poor communication: Communication is the foundation of any relationship. When couples struggle to effectively express their thoughts, emotions, and needs, it can lead to misunderstandings, frustration, and ongoing conflicts.
Unresolved conflicts: If past conflicts or disagreements remain unresolved, they can resurface and escalate into constant fights. Failure to address underlying issues can create a cycle of recurring arguments.
Differences in values and expectations: Couples may have different values, beliefs, and expectations(add a link) about various aspects of life, such as money, parenting, career goals, or household responsibilities. When these differences clash and are not adequately addressed, conflicts can arise.
Stress and external pressures: External factors, such as work stress, financial difficulties, or family issues, can put strain on a relationship. Couples may take out their frustrations on each other, leading to constant fighting.
Emotional baggage or unresolved past traumas: Individuals bring their own emotional baggage and past experiences into relationships. If these issues are not addressed or healed, they can contribute to ongoing conflicts and trigger emotional responses during arguments.
Power struggles and control issues: In some cases, constant fighting can stem from power struggles or control issues within the relationship. When one or both partners seek to dominate or exert control over the other, it can create a toxic dynamic characterized by frequent conflicts.
If couples have already decided that they are not happy and want to always prove they are right, they will find infinite reasons for constant unhappiness
It's essential to remember that constant fighting is not healthy or conducive to a fulfilling relationship. Seeking professional help, such as couples therapy or counseling, can provide valuable guidance and support in addressing these issues and fostering healthier communication and conflict resolution strategies.
In these cases divorce is very easy and seems like only solution in front of struggling couples. But before you take that one step, try these following strategies to help avoid getting separated.
Few of the things that one can try to avoid constant fighting can be
1.Avoid discussing sensitive topics when one or both partners are tired, stressed, or distracted. Save them for later.
2.If tensions escalate and emotions run high during an argument, it's essential to take a break. Temporarily disengaging from the discussion can prevent further escalation and allow both partners to gather their thoughts before reconvening to resolve the issue.
3.Taking care of oneself is crucial for maintaining a healthy relationship. Prioritize self-care activities that reduce stress, promote emotional well-being, and contribute to personal growth. When both partners are emotionally balanced, they can approach conflicts with a clearer perspective.
Remember, no relationship is entirely conflict-free, but implementing these strategies can significantly reduce the frequency and intensity of fights. Building a strong foundation of communication, understanding, and mutual respect is key to fostering a harmonious and fulfilling partnership.
Good Luck to all the amazing couples. We are in this together
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